A Change of Heart

God has been gently nudging me towards a change of heart. The woman I wanted to be doesn't usually mirror my actions, my words. I love being a SAHM although it's a difficult at times. The rewards will out weigh the sacrifice in the end.

I've been praying and meditating about my office of Homemaker. I also was thinking about homeschooling. As a homemaker, I'm filled with the desire to create a home. What's that mean? To me it means home cooked meals and a routine. Trying to make my family comfortable and content. I don't know if it's because I'm getting deeper sleep (thanks to the CPAP) but I have more energy and desire to do those chores that I couldn't do before. It's hard with fibromyalgia to get the things done I'd like.

I want a less messy house. Well, at least the portions I can control; Kurt was just born messy! For the first time in years I actually cleaned the kitchen. Not the usual day to day, but the down and dirty expunging of the clutter and mess. I've kept it up for over a week and I'm quite pleased with myself. It's odd having the energy to do something but still feel exhausted as I do today.

I think gardening is helping me too. I go out almost every morning and water, weed, and prune my garden. It's so fun and the food is delicious! We plan on 4 more beds next year! Maybe more...

One of my biggest examples and inspirations is a man from Portland. He has the most beautiful flowers. His roses are truly divine. Yet he has no hands. That's right, he has arms but no hands. So if he can nurture something so lovely despite his circumstances, then so can I.